Posted on 2009.11.17 at 05:01 Current Mood: contemplative
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now. * Turn to page 56. * Find the fifth sentence. * Post that sentence along with these instructions. * Don’t dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.
It was a limitless pleasure, for she began to perspire again on one side, as I finished drying the other, which meant the song might never end.
Posted on 2009.01.19 at 23:27 Current Mood: contemplative
If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability. I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express.
I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light.
I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep.
If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy.
To all men, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.
I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves.
To old people I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.
I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken & the form used to reach the top of the hill.
I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.
I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.
Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul.
If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say 'I love you'.
There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you & that I will never forget you.
Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old.
Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.
Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them 'I am sorry';' forgive me',' please' 'thank you', and all those loving words you know.
Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them.
Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.
Send this letter to those you love. If you don't do it today... tomorrow will be like yesterday, and if you never do it, it doesn't matter either, the moment to do it is now.
For you, With much love, Your Friend,
Gabriel Garcia Marquez Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008, 11:26 AM
Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
Here goes...
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I admit to be guilty of being a frequent visitor to limbo land. It was so much easier to make decisions back in the days when everything was printed in black and white. It was very easy to be complacent. To be certain. Without reading between the lines. After all, clear choices were laid down on a silver platter, ready for the taking. But growing up brought in more spice to what used to be familiar and, well, bland and humdrum. Everything becomes an emotional investment and we’re obliged to let go of baggages of hurts, guilt feelings, and misconceptions sooner or later. When the water becomes murky, and when the fog gets thicker, it gets more difficult to leave the state of limbo. You do not know if you’re here or there, and honestly, it lessens the pain of choosing where to belong. One writer even said that if ignorance is bliss, limbo is even bliss at its best. I couldn’t agree more. I, for one thing, am very idealistic. Perhaps, it is because of my accustomed place in limbo planet. I take pleasure in analyzing the tangible from the intangible— sometimes even hoping for the intangible to be real and tangible. It also allows me to be the audience of my own life, allowing me to detach from myself, and review the scenes of my life, much like a spectator, an eager voyeur, letting me paint a wanted outcome with hope.
Limbo gives me some timeout and in time (hopefully), a way out.
Perhaps, if there’s one thing that I was able to fully realize after losing my cousin, Lorenz, it is that life is truly precious as it is short.
When we were still small, I remember how we would be partnered with each other in wedding entourages. He was already tall at such an early age. Until the years after that, I would still talk to him looking up, just as how I do when speaking with my other cousins who are obviously taller than me as well. But not only did I literally look up to him because of his towering stature. I’ve always looked up to Lorenz as one of my very brilliant cousins. I agree with those of you who believe that he was undeniably brilliant from beginning to end. He was passionate in learning, and persistent in discovering the possibilities that he can become in his lifetime.
That was how I admired his intelligence and depth of meaning and thought in his life.
But most importantly, he had a very compassionate and sincere mind and heart, which truly makes him admirable.
We all love Lorenz, and his loss is evidently devastating most especially to Tito Bets, Tita Ditas, Francis, Grace, and Melissa.
Just like philosophy, which he loved, read, and contemplated mostly about, his life was a continuous search for meaning— a journey that leads to more questions every day, in a seemingly unending cycle of questioning, leading to surprises, and most of all, to uncertainty.
Maybe, we couldn’t grasp whatever reason Lorenz has, and all we can do is to keep on questioning. But this teaches us something. In times where there seems to have no certainty, we hold on to our faith. To fall in love with God’s greatness and assurance that all shall be well.
A friend of mine once said, a lot of people take the phrase "I love you", or the context of love itself, for granted, and I'm sure women have heard it from men already, like suitors of the past, and likewise. But when it is said by someone who loves you and whom you really love, it's as if nothing can go wrong. It is the only perfect moment in an imperfect world.
Like what Tito Bets said earlier this week, his faith is what’s keeping him, and their family, our family, strong. And perhaps, for all of us, that is what’s comforting us too—the love of God that is overflowing in this short and precious life that he has given us, and that extends even to life after death.
Lorenz, we love you very much, and we are so blessed that God was able to share you with us.
Jose Lorenzo A. Tan (1984-2008) Management Engineering '06, ADMU Philosophy Teaching Assistant of Fr. David, S.J.
*July 3, 2008, 8pm mass presided by Fr. Fel Reyes, S.J., Sanctuario de San Jose, Greenhills East*
Strange how things can get, I rode the exact same cab going to school early today for my theology oral test and on the way back home from Ateneo. The driver recognized me and said “Ako rin po iyong naghatid sa inyo kaninang umaga sa Ateneo”.
I expressed my amazement and sat quietly in the backseat while listening to the AM station he was tuned in. The next thing I knew, the radio announcer said “Iyan si GMA, iniluwal ng tiyanak yan!”
Both of us laughed and the driver started talking to me again while laughing. “*laughs* Nakakatawa. Si GMA anak daw ng tiyanak, kaya tiyanak rin siya.” I laughed back and the discussion on the radio about the series of rallies happening today came about. He then started asking me how Ateneo is against the whole GMA hoopla with regard to the NBN ZTE Scandal. I answered him in short phrases and returned to staring blankly outside the window.
Later on, he said something that was, just again, strangely apt for the whole scenario. I will just jot down the words I remember him saying. “Pera lang talaga yan.. Pagdating talaga sa pera, nagiging masama ang mga tao. Na-front page na po ako dati. Ako po si Jaime Eguilos, iyong nagbalik ng 1.3 million sa isang pasahero ko noong 1990. Nakakuha po ako ng award na best taxi driver for being honest.”
I was all the more surprised with Manong Jaime (the way I called him when I thanked him for finally dropping me off home) as he continued “Minsan nga po, naikukumpara ko iyong sarili ko sa mga kumpare ko na nakakakita ng pera sa marahas na paraan. Nung naiwan iyong pera sa taxi, pwede ko na sanang kunin yun, at sunugin yung taxi para walang maka-trace sa akin. Pero, mayaman na nga sana ako, pero pagdating kay Lord, lagot naman ako. Iba pa rin ang consciencia.”
I was at awe with Manong Jaime, and I wanted to burst in joy and say “MABUHAY KAYO!!!” I commended him for his honesty and how he kept his integrity in times of vulnerability to participate in the sinful and corrupted structure of society.
I believe he deserved more than just being sent to Singapore and receiving a plaque, trophy, and a small amount of money as rewards for his good deed. We need more men like him— he who truly deserves to be in the front page for doing good, and not like a few who happen to have their hypocritical faces put up in front pages for their greed deeds (and lies, and more and more lies). Now, will my hope for our country to have more Manong Jaimes just remain to be an impossible dream?
God really works in mysterious ways. I thought I'd have a crappy day since I woke up and, you know, things happened on my way to school, which made me cry, and just utter to myself 'my day isn't starting right.' But yes, at the end of the day, I smiled and let a long deep sigh. Hard work does pay off. Salamat God. For weeks I couldn't sleep well. For weeks, I've been praying to you. Basta, salamat talaga.
Posted on 2007.11.01 at 18:11 Current Mood: contemplative
Every Halloween, I imagine myself to be in a secluded rustic barrio where people sleep early and wake up early. By 7 o’clock at night, the lights will be gone, and residents would fear the surfacing of the supernatural— the aswang, or the manananggal—once again. The hot and sticky clinging of warm air on the skin will be replaced by a chilly and an unfriendly cold that signals the presence of fear and terror. The misty light from the streetlamp is futile. It continues to be devoured by the darkness of the hushed expression of the street. An old dog wandering howls passionately in the dark breaking the hush, while church bells toll and warn the town of something that has yet to befall. I creep under the sheets and again, have another sleepless night. On rainy nights, it becomes bleaker. Colder. More sinister. The dark alley becomes a battleground of the good and evil. At least in my bizarre imagination, I picture myself witnessing the separating of the body of a manananggal as its upper half flies and lurks for its prey; its unsightly face, with the likes of Bella Flores playing the role of a villain in old movies flashes in front me as I remember episodes of Shake Rattle and Roll from my childhood. I sweat coldly in the dark, making sure the manananggal didn’t see me. For days, I fear that daunting scene in my head. I see the red flashing eyes of it that peak in windowpanes of houses wherever I go, and I reach for the cross in my pocket, praying for protection and absolution.
Of course, the abovementioned continues to be, in any case, just part of my imagination. I remain to be in the city of shoes and not in the rural soil of a barrio haunted by ghosts. By 12 o’clock midnight, my mom, and perhaps, everyone else in the house is still awake. And noisy tricycles seem to race on the street resonating screeching sounds that make me curse to the hilt. The hot and sticky clinging of warm air on my newly bathed skin remains. Only the air outside smells already of the Christmas season and I am filled with excitement once again. The lampposts outside, erected in intervals of about seven meters apart, illuminate the leaves of the newly trimmed trees on the sidewalk. I don’t believe in aswangs and manananggals anymore that give me sleepless nights. (But I do believe in ghosts of dead people.) Instead, other things give me sleepless nights. I don’t get haunted by red eyes and urban legend monsters appearing at 3 o’clock in the morning— but I get haunted by the fear of losing, of hoping, and of other things caused by our own actions and thoughts. I no longer fear the picture left by villains in masks from scary and pathetic movies of the past— but I fear the masks from where people hide their real faces and conceal their real attitudes. I don’t as much fear the death caused by the fangs of Dracula, or by the claws of a werewolf— rather, I fear the death of the heart caused by people who fail our expectations and hopes.
This Halloween, I pray not only for my lolo who I miss everyday, and for your loved ones who have gone to life after death. We reach for our crosses, and our rosaries to pray for protection and absolution, not because the tolling bells that warn us that something is yet to come— we pray for something that may be already here, and perhaps, something that we don’t want to lose.
On some days when I was still having my internship somewhere in Ortigas, I rode the train going home, and was fetched at the Katipunan LRT station. Before lugging into the cool air-conditioned sweet smelling interior of the vehicle, I had to undergo a series of “icks” and “ewws” along the way. Sprinting my way up the long flight of stairs of the Ortigas MRT station would cause me to grumble to myself about the heap of reeking smell from passengers going home after a hard day’s work. I would pass by a few adolescents by the side walk sleeping on stained carton boxes. In more unfortunate cases wherein it rained and the floors have gone wet, I would cry in disgust on the splatter of soiled water on my jeans and flats. But perhaps, the more that I would respond in dismay was whenever I brought home putrid smell on my skin, acquired from that tedious trip back home. The clinging smell of the city on someone’s body may be stripped off by a cold or hot shower by the end of the day. But aside from the smell of toxic fumes from cars and sidewalk pukes and poops, there are other things that tend to hang on our shoulders, our feet, and our hands, which are harder to remove by mere washing of the body. These can be clingy people, unforgettable experiences that haunt us like ghosts of the past— affording us with a certain nostalgia—, or plain thoughts of despair, of sadness, or of happiness. I’d like to think of these as that of some stench that can be shrugged off by a dollop of soap and water. But, well, they’re more than that. Somehow, these people, experiences, and thoughts, manage to crawl their way up even more whenever you try to shoo them away, like ants that creep their way up into a baker’s kitchen over and over again. There’s always this unexplainable feeling that can either be of a slight disgust, resentment, or bliss. I thought that the reason I was writing this entry was plain ranting— something of that kind that we usually read about on blogs of whining girls and angry boys besides the recently widespread 20 people 20 things. But when I was about to end this, I realized the reason I had to write this was to impose a challenge on myself to actually face these smells of the past that seem to cling on me until now. For those out there who have unresolved issues, maybe, this is for you too. By the virtues of character and thought, fighting thoughts won’t do any good. It will contribute more to the bane of our existence. It is in accepting them, and discerning whether to entertain them, let go of them, or resolve them, that we are able to wipe off the stench that invades, not only our bodies, but our hearts and souls.
Encountering an Innovative Approach to Business By Ma. Katrina R. Tan / July issue of Girlfriend Magazine
A dark blue canvas bag hangs on the wall with “Aling Fely’s Carinderia” written on it. You pinch yourself and wonder if you might be situated in this fictional eatery in fictional Sta. Cruz, Makati. After realizing that, indeed, you are not dreaming, you find out instead that you are just in the Archaeology Section of the Power Plant Mall in Rockwell, Makati City— in front of Team Manila’s shop, that is.
The experience of walking through the shops in Archaeology by itself fulfills any girl’s fantasies. But discovering the wide selection of stylish and trendy fashion treasures specifically at Team Manila is more than an added bonus! You won’t miss the brightly-colored, graphic-designed tees, bags, beanbags, and pouches that they innovatively churn out— on which common pinoy words and phrases like Maria Clara, Tapsilog, Luksong Tinik, and Manila, among others, are printed, and images of the jeepney and of our national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal are illustrated. You will also find an extensive array of t-shirt designs with uncanny prints of signages and images of everyday life.
Raymund Punzalan and Jowee Alviar, both youthful owners of this outfit, have both undergone intense training and have had vast experience in the field of art and design. After graduating from the University of Sto. Tomas, Raymund, or Mon worked in a design studio in Mandaluyong, while Jowee pursued his masters in Fine Arts in the United States. In 2001, Team Manila was born out of these guys’ sheer love and zeal for creativity and spontaneity. At present, they have about 17 staff members in their stores, including designers and sales ladies. The name, Team Manila, reflects on Mon and Jowee’s objective of promoting Manila, Philippines whenever, wherever. Jowee adds, “para kung lumabas internationally ‘yong work, it comes back to where we came from. Parang ‘yun na ‘yong mindset namin when we started Team Manila, the design studio.” When asked how their line of shirts came in full bloom, Mon stresses: “Iyong shirt namin, matagal na namin siyang plano; and iyon ‘yong gusto naming i-initiate…. Kami ‘yong sarili naming client”. On the other hand, the canvas bags they design— which are bought in Divisoria, “kung [saan] afford ng budget”, Jowee adds— have garnered fans both young and old alike. Partyphile Keren Pascual even has goodie bags for parties he throws designed by Team Manila!
With their creative eye and personal computers in tow, they started out with a capital of about P400, 000, which included the purchasing of materials and printing. When it came to their designing equipment, “nag-chip in kami ng what we have. Kasi we have our own computers. So wala talaga kaming initial investment. Then we just earned little by little”. Quite surprisingly, Team Manila doesn’t follow any business model in running their company. In fact, they are very flexible when it comes to handling money and releasing new designs. They both utter, “kung gusto naming maglabas ng design ng t-shirt, we design it, then sell it. Hindi siya katulad ng ibang stores, where they have new lines every season”. In fact, they can come up with a design right at this very moment, and have it in their store tomorrow! Their products are also produced in very limited quantities, which makes their designs unique pieces of art.
Designing for these artists is never difficult, as they continue to pitch in ideas whenever they get inspired by what they see, hear, smell, taste, and touch around them. Jowee reiterates, “Very conscious kami sa street. Mga sign boards ng lipat-bahay, videoke- nakikita namin at napro-process namin. Interesting siya, eh. Unique siya sa atin, eh.” And, just last May 4, 2007, they had a silk screen art exhibit entitled Malas+Swerte, Sari-saring Pamahiin at Paniniwala at the Pablo Gallery in Cubao Expo.
For Mon and Jowee, it is definitely not a walk in the park to run a business. In truth, they consider running their budding company as a constant challenge. Their fondness for wearing their designs, utter hard work, creativity, and open-mindedness keep them on their toes all the time. Furthermore, they are planning to continue their design collaboration with furniture items such as lampshades and clocks. They both add, “iyong graphic design- it can be applied to different things. It can be applied to a cup, to a mug, or to a watch na ODM. Very wide ang scope ng graphic design. Kaya, kung ano ‘yong pwedeng gawin, open kami sa new products”.
For them, they feel the happiest whenever they see their products worn by unfamiliar faces they see on the streets. Perhaps, this, among other things, makes Mon and Jowee— and any artist, businessman, or proprietor for that matter— fulfilled and happy in spite of the hard work and sleepless nights they spend on their endeavors.
Fresh. Pop. Innovative. That’s Team Manila for you.
List (20) things you want to say to people but know you never will. Don't say who they are.
1. I really liked you, and I was this close to loving you. Why did everything just fall apart? 2. Remember that I’ve never driven you away, and that you’ll always be special to me. You’ve been a very confrontational person and I admire you very much for that. 3. You are a very appealing person on the outside, but I just get disappointed when you lie and pretend to know everything. 4. You think I don’t know, but I do. You like playing around and hitting on girls all at the same time. 5. I admire you for admitting that you are bisexual. You’re one of my dearest friends! 6. You made me feel worse when I needed someone to give me affirmation. You are, indeed, very pessimistic at times. I hope you’ve learned how to be happy and not just see the negative side of people. 7. You think we’re close, but, in fact, you don’t know me that much yet. You just made the wrong move. 8. We don’t know each other personally, and I wonder why you always smile at me when I enter the classroom and when I see you outside. 9. I like being with you, and laughing about anything under the sun. You‘re always there to make me smile. 10. I never thought you’d be the person I’m hearing about now. I’m shocked. 11. It won’t change the fact that I still think you’re gay, even if you don't admit it. What you did to me before still hurts me, and I think that you’re a plastic person every time I see you. 12. You used to send sweet messages, when in fact, you still liked her. Playing around here, huh? 13. I miss you. I regret not seeing you before you left for India. You’ll always have a special place in heart. 14. Yes, I have a crush on you. 15. I’ve always liked you. I think you are a great guy inside and out. 16. I pretend to laugh and ride on with your jokes. But sometimes, I get hurt. 17. I am thankful to God that I’ve known you. You give me strength and encouragement on my most difficult times. I’ve always admired you for your dedication and commitment to your endeavors, and for always being there for your loved ones. 18. We’ve been through a lot of hardships recently. You are a strong woman, and I’ll always be by your side. I love you. 19. You are very interesting. I love the way you write, your assertiveness, your caring attitude, and your confidence. Yes, you’ll always be my man! I’m glad you’re my friend. And, you are looking pretty good these days! 20. You were the one who taught me how to be compassionate. But, how come I’m finding it hard to be compassionate to you? I’ll always love you no matter what. You’ll always be my number one.
Posted on 2007.03.05 at 11:44 Current Mood: melancholy
Sometimes I wonder why some people don't seem to go about the horror and sadness of everyday life. Or perhaps, they're just good in not showing it. Well, I'm not. I don't deny that I've been feeling down these days. It might not be obvious to some, but yes, I've been distancing myself quite often, and that's one premonition that I'm not feeling well. I am sad because some of my friends are already graduating. I am sad because I've been right all along when I thought some rumors were true. I am sad because I never expected things to be said by people who were very close to my heart. I am sad because things I never wanted to happen in the first place tend to repeat their course. I am sad because I tend to stress my self on problems that I shouldn’t be solving. And I am sad because I don’t know who to go to to say everything I’m saying now.
NO matter how I tell my self to let you go, I just can't do it. i just can't. you are just so close to me to begin with in the first place. And I don't remember the last time I felt this sad too.
If we fall in love because someone makes us laugh, what happens when we no longer find them funny? If we fall in love because someone is beautiful, what happens when that beauty fades? If we fall in love because someone can provide for us, what happens when they lose their wealth? Because love defies all reasons, when we love someone, we can't just find a reason, we just do.
friends, i never thought of my self as an actress. I only used to write and direct for film, like my friend Jelise. But a year ago, she asked me to act for her film, and here is the end product. http://youtube.com/watch?v=2oa7UtVAP04
There was one Monday, about a year ago— a breezy lonely afternoon where leaves fell from trees gracefully, and there were only a few cars passing by the road. I was walking along, impinged on a sad day I had just undergone in school. It seemed to have happened once again. This time, it was a horrid humid day, and cars came in droves, clouding me with black putrid smoke. I was brought again to the assumption that I am experiencing karma once again for my negligence to my duties as a friend and as a daughter. As I waited for my sister, whom I was assigned to fetch today, I never felt sadder. I realized how I’m like people who are baon na baon na sa utang, there was a moment I felt like I had nothing. I was affected by the people I saw in school, specifically by one person sitting on one of the sec benches whom I saw, but refused to say hi to. Quite ironically deducing my everyday life from the whole picture, I never felt so down and useless. I had the sneaking suspicion that after all, my father was wrong, that I’m not the best girl in the world—although I’ll always be his best girl. Is this the fever of growing old and growing up at the same time? I distinctly remember reading an article that talked about growing up and growing old, and how the two are different. Growing old, well, is obvious. You immediately see its biological signs of white frizzy hair, weariness and exhaustion, deep slits of wrinkles, and more of those that Dra. Vicky Belo would gladly cure. On the other hand, growing up poses a denser sense of the word grow. Among the messages on birthday cards I got from my past birthdays, it was always stated there their wishes that I may be prepared and geared for another chapter in my life. Most especially when I’ve turned 18 two years ago, I was always told that I am now faced by new challenges and the usual clichés we get and bore us to death. However turning 18, or into any age we think is a significant leap from a previous chapter of our lives, would not necessarily mean that, if truth be told, we’ve grown up. It is not about disillusionment, or cynicism, of being ready for new things to pop out in front of us. Rather, it is accepting that we’re not always prepared, that I am not always primed for the sadness and sense of uselessness I’ve just undergone that made feel ever so broke in my life. It is in realizing how stupid I’ve become, but still walking and braving the cobbled path of black putrid smoke blown into my face. That is when I smell the scent of growing up and realize that we are not only drawn to a willing suspension of disbelief like in watching movies, but of actually screaming our hearts out like when we first saw Sadako on screen.
ScoreMag, the official publication of the Ateneo Collegiate Society of Advertising (COSA) proudly presents:
OVERTIME: ScoreMag Party 2007 Tribute to TEAM ATENEO
February 10, 2007 7:00pm onwards Club O (Formerly known as DISH), ABS-CBN Complex, QC
with TV coverage by Myx and Studio 23 hosted by LIA CRUZ
this COSA-ScoreMag fundraising event would showcase the ff:
a) fashion show (featuring athlete models)
b) mini concert Saranggola ni Pepe The Fruits Joketime Wake up your Seatmate Passing Hour and 2006 MYX Mo Battle of the Bands Champion, Empty Siren Boulevard
c) auction of BLUE EAGLES MEMORABILIA
d) hiphop dance party
tickets are priced at P150
And that's not all... this party is open to everyone! ALUMNI and NON-ATENEANS are welcome!
Please do support SCOREMAG: Giving you what counts the most, and our Team Ateneo athletes! Animo Ateneo!
For ticket purchase/reservation, please contact 09178546244/kimchi_ichmik@yahoo.com or anyone from the SCOREMAG Staff. Team Ateneo Players may register at Kostka Extension starting Feb. 5, 2007 Tickets will also be sold there.
About You... Name: Ma. Katrina R. Tan Nickname: Kat How old were you in 2006? 20. What was the most important thing you discovered in 2006? How timely. Just yesterday, I realized this: People are too obsessed with wealth and material things that we forget the authentic worth of a person. Sometimes, people are evaluated because of the material things equated to them. What will you always remember about 2006? Lots of great things that happened to me in my academics, extra curriculars, and personal life— all of which I will forever remember, and not regret.
In 2006, did you... Keep your New Years resolution? To be honest, I forget what my resolution was. Go on a holiday? If going on a holiday means not doing anything on a Saturday at home, then yes, I’ve gone on a holiday. Change jobs? No. Buy anything from eBay? No. Prank call someone? No. Get drunk? No. Get high? No. Fall in love? Well….. no. Ok, almost close to it. Break up with someone? No. Get married? No. Get divorced? No. Stop speaking to someone? Perhaps, stop speaking to someone like I used to. Kiss someone? On the cheek, yes. Haha Kiss someone whose name you can’t remember? I’m not that kind of person. You see, everything I do is done with sincerity and passion. Make a new friend? Definitely. Do anything embarrassing? Oh YES! (while going up the stairs outside the lib and there were MANY people sitting….just guess what happened) Do something that you thought you would never do? Yes- eat lengua. Do something you have always wanted to do? Yes! Do anything that you regret? I guess once in our life we regret something right after we realize how stupid we were for doing such a thing, but in the end, when we look back to it, it’s not that bad after all. Do anything illegal? No. Break a promise? Yes. Lose something? Yes.
Best of 2006... Movies: Scoop, Ilusyon (or was it released in 2005?), North Diversion Road, Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Syriana, Devil Wears Prada, Upos and Bangungot, of course hahaha! Show: Desperate Housewives and Project Runway Song: Fidelity- Regina Spektor Album: I don’t really take note. Thing you bought: a new computer Memory: my birthday, spending time with a wonderful person, touching moments with papa, mama, and krisha.
Worst of 2006... Movie: MIAMI VICE, John Tucker Must Die TV Show: - Song: Boomtarat-tarat Album: Boomtarat-tarat Album (if there is one) Memory: It’s hard to rekindle bad memories.
About 2007... What do you want in 2007? Of course, I’d hope for the continuous success in all my endeavors: to my academics that I would excel, to SCOREMAG that the ScoreMag team will continue to be passionate in our craft, to ACIL that we continue to teach catechism to children with passion and compassion, and enjoy each one’s company, to the SOCIAL AWARENESS FORMATION Committee of ACIL that I may always have the drive and initiative to keep us socially aware and responsible in relation to our duties as responsible Catholics, and to LFC that we continue producing beautiful films. I want my very loving and protective parents and sister to always be healthy and continue to be there for me, and my friends and blockmates to have a stronger bond with each other.
Is there anything you would do differently in 2007? I’d definitely go on further and exert more effort in my endeavors.
Do you think it will be a good year? Yes, it will be.
What do you look forward to most about 2007? Being a better person to others, and a better daughter and sister.
Do you have a New Year’s resolution? None. After all, I just forget about it quickly.
Posted on 2006.11.15 at 14:37 Current Mood: thankful
I, in behalf of the SCOREMAG Team, thank all of you who've read the mag and showered us with wonderful reactions and ways to better improve it. Thank you so much! Watch out for our next issue on Feb.
lifted from abc shorts egroup Ateneo's Loyola Film Circle screens at Mag:net Cafe this November
Cinekatipunan is proud to screen the short films of Loyola Film Circle (LFC) for the Saturday Campus-based filmmakers program this November. LFC is Ateneo’s premiere film organization. Now in its 9th year, LFC has been the forefront in creating and fostering film culture in the university. Through the advocacy of film appreciation, exercise of film production and promotion of film criticism LFC continues to strive to cultivate such culture.
Centering on the said three facets, LFC activities and events include talks & forums which develop film literacy, workshops & seminars which enhance skills in criticism and production and film screenings & competitions which highlight and promote artistic excellence.
LFC has produced some of the fresh groundbreaking directors of today like Sherad Sanchez ( Ang Huling Balyan sa Buhi, Cinema One Originals 2006), Bobbi Bonifacio (Numbalikdiwa, Cinemanila 2006) and of course its moderator Quark Henares (Keka, Wag Kang Lilingon, Super Noypi). It has been home to different production groups like Steady Bears and SPORKforSHORT, and currently houses Shadow-Light and Sit-in productions.
At the core if at all, LFC is a community of individuals who share the same passion for film. A community of amazing people building relationships that goes beyond the end of the credits.
1st LFC Run in CineKatipunan @ Mag:Net on November 11 (Saturday)
Participating Films and Filmmakers
GENESIS 17 minutes, 2006. A young painter in search of inspiration discovers a secret tunnel inside his apartment that leads him to meet his muse in the flesh.
Juan Miguel Sevilla SporkFORshort Productions ------------ ---------
LIPAD 8 minutes, 2006. A little boy is torn between living in his own fantasy world of superheroes and the reality of his parents shattered relationship.
MAHAL KO SI DIREK 20 minutes 2006. Go behind the scenes of a real love story in the making
King Palisoc SporkFORshort Productions and Prod Madnezz ------------ ---------
OPLAN ALABANG: THE SPORK RELOCATION PROJECT 14 minutes, 2006. Over twenty years ago, aliens landed in Quezon City. They were called Sporks because of the four antennae on their heads. Today, Red, a spork girl, and Jamie a human boy, must decide between running away together or separating.
Mackie Galvez SporkFORshort Productions and Prod Madnezz ------------ ---------
SILENT DANCER 12 minutes, 2006. A film prose about a boy who finds a certain fascination with a mysterious woman. His fascinations leads him to suspect that the woman's mystery is shrouded by a secret. A fantastic realization that all lives are inter-connected; and that all people are participants in a silent dance to a muted tune. And that one's tragedy would actually be another one's bliss.
Jelise Chung Zen Productions ------------ ---------
UPOS 18 minutes, 2006. A filmmaker, who thrusts his way into the competitive world of the movie industry, doesn't have much and besides his fondness for film, he is impelled to make an adequate living for his autistic sister. He is then joined by Chona, a prostitute, who boards in the same house as he does. Chona, perhaps, like most prostitutes, suffers from a "men paying her equal worth" mentality. However, her one true love is no other than the filmmaker. But there are just some things we prefer to hide and repress forever for fear steals this ambition of ours. A series of unwanted events happen to the characters and in the end the filmmaker is left with just the bitter and harsh excesses of yesterday, seemingly like cigarette ashes that have been excreted by a once lighted cigarette.
Ma. Katrina R. Tan Kat Tan Productions
Loyola Film Circle short films will screen from 5:30 to 7:00 PM on November 11, 18, 25 (Saturdays) in Mag:net Café. The complete schedule of screenings for November will be posted at www.magnet.com. ph. Calendar/leaflets will be available in all Mag:net branches. Gate entrance is free but we encourage voluntary donations for the student filmmakers.
Pia, I think having a 3.5's a trend this semester;)
__________________________
When it comes to eyeglasses, call me the most careless of all for I often either
1. flush them in the toilet in school (believe it or not, it happened!) 2. have them flying around the parking lot during a rainy night (thanks to Prime and Mellow who helped me find it with their flashlights and perfect vision) 3. leave them somewhere 4. sit on them 5. or just plainly lose them!
And it happened again! I've probably had the widest assortment of colored plastic rimmed glasses, and the gold rimmed ones if I count those I've lost and broken in my grade school and high school days. I've had silver, gold, more gold, blue, red, pink... And losing them has been considered a cliché. I lost my 3-month old pink-rimmed glasses again. Well, that was what I thought last night when I was fixing my purse. Since I'm on the road often and my glasses have become an extension of myself, more specifically, my vision, and I don't want to see abstract images forever, I immediately had another pair made in the perfect shade of purple, in the same style as my pink one. It even came with a fuchsia synthetic leather case! I wore them immediately and excitedly. I've got a new pair of glasses! I believe this one looked even prettier than the previous one I've lost.
Just as I was about to go home, I decided to check the McDonald’s near our house since it was the last place I went to last Nov. 1 before I realized my pink glasses were no where to be found in the house last night. I did that even though I knew that it would hurt if (NOTE: IF) the ladies there would come and bring it to me saying "ma'am, ito po ba iyong eyeglasses ninyo?".
And who ever said that esp was just for lunatics and psychics was wrong. Yes, it happened the way I actually imagined it.
Now, I have 2 pairs.
__________________________
To cut to the chase, among the lessons I've learned today, perhaps, the following can sum everything up: 1. Ask and you shall receive 2. Seek and you shall find
None of these sound Greek to any of us. These are lines that we've been hearing from our teachers in kindergarten, and friends who have nothing else to advise when we bombard them with our personal troubles and predicaments. They’ve become trivial— clichés, as a matter of fact…
And what is a more precise way to define what clichés are? They are all actually true.
Halloween has always given me a reason to dress up in silly costumes. It has also never failed to satisfy my excitement as it was an excuse for me to get ridiculously scared of anything. Just a few days ago, I’ve caught some of the usual All Saints’ Day specials on TV, wherein people tell about their sightings of ghostly apparitions in universities, old houses, and their own homes. These, more often than not, would give me the chills, and think second thoughts about my own home. Are there really ghosts lurking behind me at this moment? But that is another story. For how many years these shows would give me the scare of a lifetime. The sound effects used seemingly made the stories more believable and haunting. I still remember some of the side comments of the hosts that sounded something like, “mga kababayan, mag-ingat kayo, dahil ang mga multong ito ay maaaring naririyan lamang sa tabi niyo”, would at all times make me even absurdly terrified. Whenever I watched these shows with my cousins, we’d constantly start to recount instances where we thought we’ve felt something unusual, and stories from our own schools that we seemed to have witnessed, but actually have just heard as hearsays.
I remember an occasion I still vividly picture in my mind that happened on Halloween night. I was about 6 years old. My cousins, who were teenagers then, were spending the night in our house. To make the situation more exciting, it was Hallow’s Eve. We were all playing in my parent’s bedroom; the aircon was on, and the lampshade was the only source of light we had; we thought it gave the eerie feel of the night. My father then knocked on the door and told us that he and my mother would go out to buy something for our midnight snack. He mentioned that we shouldn’t leave the room, and in case someone knocked on the door downstairs, we’ll just not mind it as it may just be someone playing pranks on Halloween. And so we did what he told us to do. We even peeked out the window and saw that they both hopped into the car and left. And so we were all home alone. On Halloween.
Around 15 minutes have already passed and we just kept ourselves occupied with board games and the TV. Suddenly, without any warning, the lights went out. Absolute darkness and silence invaded the surroundings.
After 5 seconds of completely threatening creepiness, my cousins (3 girls, and one big fat boy) and I started to scream and hug each other. I started crying. What was even uncanny was that there was light on the lamppost and the neighbor's house in front of us. In that case, it wouldn’t be a brownout. Someone must be playing a prank on us then!
We then heard loud footsteps climbing up the stairs. We screamed even louder. And louder.
Not long after, we saw the doorknob turning. Someone was breaking into the room! Yes, it was the end of the world for us. We knew we’d be dead. I kept on screaming and crying as my older cousin hugged me tighter. We were all cuddled up in one corner of the bed.
My other female cousin started praying the rosary. Unexpectedly, as if a loud swish of wind breezed through the entire room, the door of the room burst open and a dark figure came in slowly and made frighteningly loud monstrous sounds! As I came to figure out the image, it was covered in a black cloak. To make the scene even outrageously unusual and weird, my only male cousin, who was supposed to save us if something or someone attacked us, started to scream by the window, “Mga kapit-bahay!!!!! Tulungan niyo kami may multoooo!!!!! Mga kapit-bahaaaaay!!!!”
I could not anymore concentrate on whatever he said more. We were all swallowed up by our own situations. I wanted my parents desperately. My male fat cousin wanted the help of our neighbors. My female cousins wanted God’s comfort and reassurance. And all of these wants were because of the fright the ghostly apparition in black induced in all of us. At that moment, we were, if truth be told, scared and frightened of the image that appeared in front of us.
After quite a while of screaming and crying and praying and shouting for help from the neighbors, the lights suddenly turned on. And the ghostly dark figure’s monstrous sounds turned into loud laughs. We heard another pair of footsteps climbing up the stairs; then another voice laughing too. It was somewhat familiar. I knew who it was. Then the ghostly dark apparition started removing its black cloak. Then came the figure that I knew was someone very dear to me. It was my father. My own parents played a prank on me and my cousins.
After all of us recovered from crying and screaming, they explained how the whole thing came about. My parents really left the house riding the car. However, they didn’t go to the nearby grocery to buy some snacks. They parked it on the other street and silently sneaked back into the house, pulled the main switch off, and performed their little show on us; and gave me the biggest scare of my life as a little girl.
Today, I can ascertain that I have not seen a real ghastly apparition of some eerie woman in white, or other unearthly creatures, such as the tikbalang, bound to raise the terror in each of us. But perhaps, I can reassure that there are ghosts: ghosts that take the form of other things. These are ghouls that can haunt us even more, and shake our minds deeper than a white lady can. These can be monsters of our pasts that seem to haunt us ‘til the present. These can be spirits and motivations that lurk in our hearts and encourage us to do well in our craft, while some disparage us and despise a previous act we’ve done, and help us change for the better.
I have grown up to be merely frightened by a man covered in a black cloak, or TV shows that continue to raise the scare in little children. I am now afraid of more things; of those that tend to lurk more in my life than some quick apparition of some sort. Analyzing within this short context, I realized the sea of emotions that I felt resulted from the seeming absent presence of my parents in the situation above. I became afraid. Would I really have the same sea of feelings had I experienced that today?
Perhaps, at this age, it is more purposeful to consider how we should all react to the ghosts that appear in each of our lifetimes. We could either remain sheepishly scared and cover our eyes, or confront it with confidence and faith. As these entities continue to haunt us in every way possible, it is then up to us to still keep on existing faithfully in the spirit of things past, present, and future. Happy Halloween!
Today, I pray for the souls of my lolo (Jose Tan), former classmate (Emily Sucaldito), cousin-in-law (Ate Mar), friend (Nikki Castro), to your loved ones, and to the memories we've buried and never to unravel again, may they all rest in peace.
The fish ball vendor. The filmmaker holding an XL camera. The dashing professor in his sleek long-sleeved polo shirt. The tired student in an angry outburst typing away how fucking bad her day went. The lazy know-it-all dude sitting by the window. The smiling waitress by the counter in McDonald’s.
Just as so nature can be intrusive, brutal and cruel, so can they. As a matter of fact, so can anyone. As Sartre gives us the concept of Nausea, where there is the endless perpetual desire of man to know what is there, sometimes all we can do is guess what is going on in another person’s life. Moreover, when we find ourselves wanting to know someone we are having a hard time knowing, we rely on what our 5 senses can only get a hold of. This then leads to some being know-it-alls and assuming someone as someone she’s not. Poor person, she doesn’t know she’s been boxed and constrained as a fake bogus of her real self.
Perhaps, this is being brought about by those whose defense mechanism is to typecast others making them (those typecasting) appear somewhat different, God forbid, more superior than those whom they typecast. You know what, it only takes one to read between the lines. Maybe we just don’t look enough, moreover, see enough. We don’t hear enough, moreover, listen enough. While some may be wearing the skimpiest of mini skirts, you don’t see her extensive patience for someone as childish as you are. While some may be laughing her heart out in front of you, you don’t see her rage and angst beneath those long black lashes and dark eyes.
Just as how Sartre stated how we have the gift to constantly seek to explain and manage to exist despite the absurdity, all will still lead to nothing, just as how some things are just are. And no matter how we constrain others and think of them as what we think they are, all still ends up in absurdity. And you end up being wrong.
At times when I deem it indispensable to detach my self from reality and look at the world in a 3rd person’s point of view, rather than in the eyes of me as a protagonist in the setting of an existent planet, I still could not completely do so. There are moments when I choose to keep quiet for a while, disengage my self from agitation and see how my surroundings flow without me. However, I still can’t seem to live this choice, even for a minute. The fact that I chose to disengage my self is the same as being aware that I will and forever be constrained. I find it hard and unfair.
The Lord has finally heeded my long cry for electrical power, and after four days of living in the vast darkness and concealing my self in the gloomy shadows, I am finally back in the light.
A lot has happened in those four days and I am posting snippets of it here.
********************** "Whoooootttt? A Soiree of Some Sort?!?!?!" Our class with Sir Quark had a screening of our kick-ass music videos with lyle sacris' class from UP at Gweilo's in Eastwood last Saturday.
To John, good luck with TTT in Vancouver!
pics from Jesssy
with Jessy and Mr. Torres
that's lyle sacris, sir, jessy, beba, mellow, and me not looking
*********************
Blue Screen Festival was cancelled last Saturday, and I don't know when it'll be rescheduled. Anyway, please watch out for it, ok?
Entries Advertising and Promotions Committee Alpha Omega by Martin Gana Best Man episodes 1-3 by Daryl Patrick Ruiz
Documentation and Publications Committee Angelo's Obsession by Rafael Salamat Ang Wakas by Francis Monfort Id. by Mark Paregrino Suddenly, Everything has Changed by Vinci Mercado Videoke by Mia Tengco
Human Resources and Organizational Development Committee Bangungot by Katrina Tan The Room by Berkeley Lee
Marketing Committee Basti by Wiggy Gonzales Fabiola by Pola Bautista Self-Portrait by Gino Jose
and do watch out for my film, Bangungot :)
*********************** ACIL CORRESPONDS: A Discussion On Political Killings
I haven't gotten the chance to thank everyone from ACIL who attended the SocAw Ed Session!!! Thank you guys for being there and being very attentive!:)
Posted on 2006.09.26 at 17:44 Current Mood: pissed off
I am not wondering why there is actually an undergraduate course, and even a masteral degree in Communications. Why? Because some people just perform too poorly when it comes to the most underestimated world of COMMUNICATION. Some just have to LEARN.
Posted on 2006.09.21 at 09:25 Current Mood: lost in thought
I jumped not knowing if there's a safety net underneath. I lingered, missed my call, not knowing if someone waited on the other end. I performed on stage, not knowing if someone would clap for me. I hoped, not knowing if luck would hear me.
Nevertheless, I did it with only my purest intentions.
Now I can sleep and never wake up again.
Jelly, you can do it too! And for the Bangungot Team, kaya ito!
Posted on 2006.09.17 at 21:54 Current Mood: indescribable
Can love nowadays be as swift an action that it can be whipped and “no-cooked” in 3 minutes? I don’t think that is love. That is plain infatuation. I tell you, linger and don’t be besotted and impetuous. Just wait and perhaps, we’ll get there somehow.
Here's Shadowlight again, sans Jelly (with Please, please, please, Sir Quark, Diego, Marie, and Mang Tony.)
Now I know everyone's just too worn out these days... Even I couldn't write long entries nowadays because of various tasks that are more important. So, now, take some time off and enjoy watching the two music videos for Sir Quark-
Posted on 2006.09.01 at 20:20 Current Mood: sad, angry, shitty
After this day, I will, perhaps, be able to say that I’ve seen enough, missed enough, undergone enough, and HAD enough already. This goddam day has just sucked out the energy and happy disposition in me. If only I had the guts to curse here, I would do it right now, in your face, and who ever wishes to mess with me is dead. I do not even know what words to use to express my self and say that I very much loathe this day. I hate it from the bottom of my heart. I hate it. I solely hate it so much that no amount of tears could even make me stop. But I should. My eyes are red and swollen already. I am currently undergoing a surge of emotions right now. I couldn’t even write properly. I am confused whether the sadness in me would weigh out the hatred I am imposing on my rattled self, or it’s the other way around.
Posted on 2006.08.24 at 12:39 Current Mood: i don't know
I couldn't help but reveal a few bewildered looks and hesitant nods whenever the cards reveal a certain truth every time I have my fortune told— well, just for fun. It seems that the cards do not lie at all, in which I am left to hope that they actually do. I suddenly realized, after waking up from a dream, that fortune telling can’t be any far from, well, a dream. There are some dreams in which I hope to never wake up from— hoping that it was, in turn, the truth every time I have my fortune told.
You never know when the unexpected would catch you right in the throat and choke you until you realize how much you're being left behind. Being left behind as the others have moved on in their lives would pretty much make you think. You almost make it there; but, you still lack a mile in the end. After which, you just never reach the finish line. More often than not, they just pass right through you, and still, leave you behind as you wave your hands pleading them to come back for you. In reality, them not coming back for you comes about.
I believe we’ve been left by the bus once in our lives— may it be in a literal sense or not. A bus, a train, a plane; all of which seemingly embodying a time gone fleeting that we never even had the chance to discover that it exists. Quite incedentally, I was just given a testimonial by a good friend that, again, has shaken me to realize that I’ve been left behind, as if being literally left behind by the ACIL bus just a while ago wasn’t enough. I've been thinking a lot these days about what I’ve become, what makes me truly happy, what I would still like to be, and what all these things I’m having would turn out to be. Perhaps, I wasn’t able to carry out my life the way I wanted it to be. Neither of us is perfect. Sometime in my existence, I aimed for that one thing I thought I could never get a hold of. In a ratrace of sorts, for a moment, I get sidetracked and I just recognize how the others have already gone ahead of me.
Nonetheless, I still join the race where everyone is a winner in the end. I say, don’t worry, I will get there somehow. Maybe not shortly after I’ve left the starting line; but perhaps, it is when the bus thinks I’m ready to come aboard and put on my seatbelt.
Posted on 2006.08.07 at 20:32 Current Mood: morose
A farewell is often given an overrated importance; a panoramic sequence of a sad times montage, usually imposed with some water works and incessant sobs. Today was different. It was cherished with meaningful silences and stares, a recollection of happy thoughts, and longing hugs. We did not need the water works; after all, it really isn’t goodbye.
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contemplative
happy
melancholy
giddy
pissed off
indescribable
sad, angry, shitty
nostalgic
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morose